Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Minister of Freaks

From: "truth"
Date: Wed, 02 Dec 2009 03:20:46 GMT
Local: Wed, Dec 2 2009 11:20 am
Subject: Minister of Freaks
mrbrown and the flood (Warning: contains satire and jokes)
I think we need to appoint a Minister of Freak Incidents soon.

After all, who is going to deal with the kind of incidents like the recent
flooding of Bukit Timah? According to the authorities, the kind of rainfall
that can cause such flooding was a 'freak' event that occurs only once in 50

Environment Minister Yaacob Ibrahim even said, "We knew the diversion canal
was not big enough to take this."

That was very reassuring to know. I can imagine someone saying, "You know,
those canals are not going to be able to take very heavy rainfall."

And someone else in charge might have said, "We know. But what to do? We
cannot make the biggest canals to accommodate the biggest rainfall possible.
We can't cater to freaks. Anyway, once in a half-century only lah."

If your Ferrari happened to be submerged in a basement car park that fateful
freak of a day, and your insurance does not cover "use of car as submarine",
you can still find solace that the next time this kind of flooding occurs,
it will be 50 years later.

So feel free to buy a new car and park it in underground car parks along
Bukit Timah after this.

While this is not Katrina, the residents of District 11 do not have it good,
either. They work hard, live on prime land, and their homes cost millions of
dollars. Plus their area does not even have an MRT station yet. And now,
poor things, their district is the new Singapore River.

I think we should see the bright side. Perhaps we can try to make the best
of things. If you cannot stop the flooding, why not make Bukit Timah the
Venice of Singapore? What could be more romantic and prestigious than living
in Singapore's Canal District?

Instead of driving, residents can glide down Bukit Timah in gondolas and
luxury boats. Why should only Punggol get the water sports fun?

The fancy schools along that stretch can have annual Boat Races there, a la
Oxford and Cambridge. ACS, SCGS, Hwa Chong, NJC, St Joseph's, all competing
in the annual Bukit Timah Freak Flood Inter-School Boat Race.

Schools there will no longer need their own swimming pools. Instead, we can
groom a new generation of young swimmers who have been trained from young to
swim to school for their exams.

It's not a flood-prone area, it's a waterfront lifestyle opportunity.

Our submarine corps need not go elsewhere for their training exercises, too.
Just get those ex-Västergötland class Swedish subs into the Bukit Timah
Canal District and do their drills there. It may be challenging to create
parking lots for the subs but I am sure the government will find a way.

I hear they are installing some water-level sensor which will warn of rising
water levels in Bukit Timah Canal. I suppose it is so that if the sensor
goes off, the Traffic Police can notify nearby condominiums and residents
can carry their cars upstairs to their attics or drive it to HDB
multi-storey car parks nearby.

Frankly, I feel a simple sign will do. Something that says "If the water
level along Bukit Timah rises above this sign, please alert the

Another initiative the government can consider is to start neighbourhood
Flood Watch. All the homes in Bukit Timah will be issued with buckets and
assigned flood duties. In the event of flooding, residents will pour out
onto the streets to scoop up buckets of water and dump the water in the
Bukit Timah Canal. Clever, right?

That is my suggestion to our leaders. Don't fight the flood, go with the
flow! It is only a freak flood, Singapore.

Ah this just brings back fond memories of walking to my school along Bukit
Timah Road in torrential rain, and walking right into the giant longkang
near Coronation Plaza because flood waters obscured the pavement and the
drain! Good times!

Right! Let's move on! Who wants to volunteer to be Singapore's first
Minister of Freak Incidents and Drains? Hands up! The position offers good
pay and you only need to worry about stuff once every 50 years.

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